"Hello, Clarice"

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“Thou shalt not see thy brother’s ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift them up again.”
-- Deuteronomy 22:4

At the end of Passover, the people of Jerusalem scurry to their local pizza shops and gorge on bread—wonderful bread! Like flies to feces!
Well, a week ago I WAS one of those flies.
My wife and I ventured nearly 3 blocks from our apartment to the nearest pizza eatery, enjoying the finest Italian cuisine Jews could offer.
Just as we finished our repast, an old woman (at least 75) approached our table.
“Excuse me, blah blah blah,” she started saying something in Hebrew.
Now, I have lived in New York City for the past 8 years, so when a stranger approaches me my natural reaction is to back away with one hand on my wallet, saying, “Sorry, buddy, I got no change.”
Well, that’s what I did when this old lady started talkin’ all Jew-talk on me. But my wife translated.
“Aaron, she says her car is parked around the corner and she needs help taking a wheelchair out of the back seat.”
Oh!
Why didn’t ya say so!
Well, that’s a Jew of a different color!

(Literally translated, the lady asked us, “Sorry, my husband had troubles, back aches, would you able to pick up chair of rolling from my automobile’s backside? Kind requesting.”)

My wife volunteered to accompany me, as we walked the half a block, to the lady’s car.
Her husband was in the front seat, a big, bulky wheelchair was in the back.
We took it out, she thanked us, wished us a pleasant week and my wife and I walked away.
“Y’know why I came with you?” my wife asked me.
“Because you speak Hebrew better than me?”
“No.”
“You wanted to help me lift the wheelchair and get credit for the good deed?”
“No.”
I shrugged.
My wife explained, simply by adopting the creepy Buffalo Bill voice from “Silence of the Lambs”: “Would you help me put this sofa in the back of my van?”
I was shocked.

“You thought that old, feeble, Israeli lady was a serial killer?”
My wife shrugged and simply said, “ ‘It rubs the lotion on its skin—”

To which I responded, “‘…or else it gets the hose again!’”

And we kissed.

What we were really saying is, “I love you.”
To each his own.


Hannibal Lecter: Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?
Clarice Starling: He said, "I can smell your [scent]."
Hannibal Lecter: I see. I myself cannot. You use Evian skin cream, and sometimes you wear L'Air du Temps, but not today.

-- TBS version of “Silence of the Lambs,” screenplay by Ted Tally, novel by Thomas Harris
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