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It's important to remember that the Bible, whether or not you believe it to be factual or a fable or parable-- it has a purpose!
A dolphin?
No, goober, that's a porpoise.
(ZING!)
(sigh... eye roll)
(let's keep moving)
The PURPOSE of the Bible...?
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
That is... to TEACH us stuff.
Most importantly, to teach us how WE can live our lives better.
My philosophy:
"Rabbi Hillel said, 'Be a disciple of Aaron, the High Priest...
LOVE PEACE, PURSUE PEACE, LOVE YOUR FELLOW CREATURES, BRING THEM CLOSER TO THE TORAH.'"
-- Pirke Avot (Ethics of the Fathers), 1:12
Hey, holier-than-thou religious folks!
Before you tell gay people they're headed to eternal damnation--- check out the first 3/4 of the previous statement.
Do you love the idea of everybody getting along?
Do you try and make that happen? Do stuff that encourages peace in the home/workplace/sandbox/titty bar-- wherever?!
Are you nice to people? Tip well? Wave ahead cars in traffic?
Well, only after you do ALL that stuff, should you try to...
Bring people closer to the Bible and its teachings-- but don't be a douche about it!
Sunday, November 8
Bible-- Fact & Fiction & The Princess Bride
Of course, the Devil can quote Scripture to serve his purpose... so that's what I'm doing!
Let me say... I don't think ANYTHING in the Bible should be taken at face value, as is.
Take it all with a grain of Lot's wife.
Realize it is a story.
Even if you assume it's a TRUE story!
Assume away!!
But realize that the Bible, factual or fable-icious, has a purpose, and that purpose is to make us behave ourselves!!!
Make us better people.
Does it matter if it REALLY happened?
EXAMPLE:
Two nights ago, the wife and I watched the first 15 minutes of "The Usual Suspects" before she fell asleep (the film lasted twice as long as I do... zing... she's gonna kick my ass).
I have seen it several times, so here I go...
Spoiler Alert! (wife, stop reading!)
(ready?)
"Usual Suspects":
Just 'cause K-Space made up all that stuff, does that make the story or the movie any less awesome?
Or does it make the movie even MORE awesome?
Or do you feel kinda used afterward? Like Spacey just jerked around.
Me, too.
Better example:
"The Princess Bride"
The actual movie, chronologically, is in real-time, a grandpa reading a made-up story to his sick grandson (BORING!). Clearly takes place when it was made, 1987 (just check out the archaic video games the grandson, Fred Savage, is playing).
But the REAL movie is the story the grandpa TELLS-- "The Princess Bride... by S. Morgenstern"--
The story of Westley and Buttercup, Humperdinck, Fezzik, "My name is Inigo Montoya...", the fireswamp, six-fingered schmuck, jokes, romance, adventure, too blave, etc.
THAT's what's really important.
And the moral of the story?...
The grandson feels love from it. And it helps the grandpa express that love for little Fred Savage (... before he got a Wonder Years boner for Winnie.
So it's like that with the Bible.
Even if it ain't necessarily so.
So?
So what?
It's still a great story... with a lot to teach us.
After all...
Lot's wife gets turned into a pillar of salt!!!!
Come on!
That shit is messed... up!
That teaches us... something!!!
... Don't marry Lot.
also-- "Don't look back... something might be gaining on you."
-- Satchel Paige (look it up)
Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't briefly gush over arguably the greatest film of all-time--- "The Princess Bride." I am not kidding.
Directed by one of my faves-- Rob Reiner, who also directed the TOTALLY AWESOME "This Is Spinal Tap" and "When Harry Met Sally."
But Princess Bride---
It informed my sense of romance, love, Zorro-esque swashing (not to mention buckling)
and came in a great year of films that were very influential on my childhood:
1987
The Princess Bride
Mannequin
Dirty Dancing
(yes, I am a woman)
Spaceballs
La Bamba (yeah... i remember that)
Roxanne (Steve Martin's greatest film... ya' heard me!)
Innerspace (Martin Short, Dennis Quaid)
Overboard (Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn)
Summer School (with Marc Harmon, check it out)
honorable mentions:
Three Amigos! (released December 1986; Steve Martin's 2nd greatest film)
Ducktales: Treasure of the Golden Suns (feature-length pilot episode of the greatest Disney cartoon series EVER... bring it on, nerds!)
Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
(My first viewing of a woman in a bra)
ahem
(She was a sexy nurse, seducing some guy... and I liked it)
(The nurse also turned out to be Freddy Krueger and killed the guy)
ahem
(Explain anything about me?)
sigh
(Who wants some ginger snaps?)
Let me say... I don't think ANYTHING in the Bible should be taken at face value, as is.
Take it all with a grain of Lot's wife.
Realize it is a story.
Even if you assume it's a TRUE story!
Assume away!!
But realize that the Bible, factual or fable-icious, has a purpose, and that purpose is to make us behave ourselves!!!
Make us better people.
Does it matter if it REALLY happened?
EXAMPLE:
Two nights ago, the wife and I watched the first 15 minutes of "The Usual Suspects" before she fell asleep (the film lasted twice as long as I do... zing... she's gonna kick my ass).
I have seen it several times, so here I go...
Spoiler Alert! (wife, stop reading!)
(ready?)
"Usual Suspects":
Just 'cause K-Space made up all that stuff, does that make the story or the movie any less awesome?
Or does it make the movie even MORE awesome?
Or do you feel kinda used afterward? Like Spacey just jerked around.
Me, too.
Better example:
"The Princess Bride"
The actual movie, chronologically, is in real-time, a grandpa reading a made-up story to his sick grandson (BORING!). Clearly takes place when it was made, 1987 (just check out the archaic video games the grandson, Fred Savage, is playing).
But the REAL movie is the story the grandpa TELLS-- "The Princess Bride... by S. Morgenstern"--
The story of Westley and Buttercup, Humperdinck, Fezzik, "My name is Inigo Montoya...", the fireswamp, six-fingered schmuck, jokes, romance, adventure, too blave, etc.
THAT's what's really important.
And the moral of the story?...
The grandson feels love from it. And it helps the grandpa express that love for little Fred Savage (... before he got a Wonder Years boner for Winnie.
So it's like that with the Bible.
Even if it ain't necessarily so.
So?
So what?
It's still a great story... with a lot to teach us.
After all...
Lot's wife gets turned into a pillar of salt!!!!
Come on!
That shit is messed... up!
That teaches us... something!!!
... Don't marry Lot.
also-- "Don't look back... something might be gaining on you."
-- Satchel Paige (look it up)
Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't briefly gush over arguably the greatest film of all-time--- "The Princess Bride." I am not kidding.
Directed by one of my faves-- Rob Reiner, who also directed the TOTALLY AWESOME "This Is Spinal Tap" and "When Harry Met Sally."
But Princess Bride---
It informed my sense of romance, love, Zorro-esque swashing (not to mention buckling)
and came in a great year of films that were very influential on my childhood:
1987
The Princess Bride
Mannequin
Dirty Dancing
(yes, I am a woman)
Spaceballs
La Bamba (yeah... i remember that)
Roxanne (Steve Martin's greatest film... ya' heard me!)
Innerspace (Martin Short, Dennis Quaid)
Overboard (Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn)
Summer School (with Marc Harmon, check it out)
honorable mentions:
Three Amigos! (released December 1986; Steve Martin's 2nd greatest film)
Ducktales: Treasure of the Golden Suns (feature-length pilot episode of the greatest Disney cartoon series EVER... bring it on, nerds!)
Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
(My first viewing of a woman in a bra)
ahem
(She was a sexy nurse, seducing some guy... and I liked it)
(The nurse also turned out to be Freddy Krueger and killed the guy)
ahem
(Explain anything about me?)
sigh
(Who wants some ginger snaps?)
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