Wet Blanket

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A few days ago I returned from a two day trip to Egypt.
We traveled through the Sinai peninsula.
It took my ancestors 40 years, I made it back in 48 hours.

It was cool to see the pyraminds. As a Jew, I felt like I had been there before... and was not properly paid for services rendered.

Our tour guide-- Hussein (I kid you not)-- explained that slaves could NOT have built the pyramids, since it was a "great honor" to help in their construction, and only "very special" people were allowed to help.

Ahem.

Yes, and the Native Americans eagerly gave their land to the White Man... because they , because they like Him so much.

It reminded me of an episode of "Family Guy", when Stewie and Brian tour through Germany:

Brian: Yeah, about your pamphlet. Uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.

German Tour Guide: Everyone was on vacation! On your left is...

Brian: Wait, wait. What are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...

German Tour Guide: We were invited! Punch was served! Check with Poland!

("Road to Europe" season 3, episode 20, Dan Palladino)

As we crossed the border from Egypt back into Israel, I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt like I came home... after playing in the backyard of a creepy neighbor.... who enslaved my ancestors 3000 years ago.

I expected any moment for an Egyptian guard to shout, "Wait, come back! You still owe us one more pyramid!"

But as we left Egypt, an amazing thing happened--

a stray dog came over to us. We pet him.

We fed him some cheese.
He didn't bark or anything!

And now... SEGUE!

Remember the Exodus?
(Of course you do! When Charlton Heston saved the Hebrews from those damned dirty apes)


Well, right before the tenth and final plague, God tells Moses about the cool miracles and CGI effects that will take place, how the Egyptians will suffer, etc., including...

“But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue...”
-- Exodus 11:7


Wow. Forget the river of blood, the death of the first born, and the parting of the sea!

Some Egyptian doggies kept their yappers shut?! What a miracle!

Whenever reading anything in the Bible, I ask myself what any good commentator asks:
"Who gives a shit?"

In other words— What's the point? WHY is this verse in the Bible? WHAT can it teach us?

Zelig Pliskin (in his great book, "Growth through Torah") says that this passage teaches us a simple lesson-- don't ruin somebody's good time.

Don't do anything to decrease the joy of another person's happy experience.

Hence... women faking orgasms.

Woah! THAT was uncalled for.

When my wife was 13 had her Bat-Mitzvah ceremony (Yikes! Gear change!), immediately following the event a former teacher approached her and proceeded to critique her performance, explaining how she messed up some Hebrew words.

Woah! Uncool!

Whenever someone said, "What a beautiful day outside," I used to have a habit of answering, "Yeah... it makes you wish there was no genocide in the world."


ha ha. I sure was hilarious.


But I don't do that anymore... because it's stupid... and nobody likes a downer.

The Israelites were leaving slavery, would it really have made a difference if a measly dog barked at them? Well, it still would have been decreasing from their joy a teensy-weensy bit. If someone buys a new cell phone, don't say, "Cool... it'll give you cancer, though."
At somebody's birthday party, don't shout "One year closer to death!"



"Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade"

-- Barbara Streisand... Isn't she fabulous?!


"Be a Tigger, Don't be an Eeyore"
-- Randy Pausch (Carnegie Mellon prof., "Last Lecture")


Don’t be a wet blanket!
If someone is having a good time, don’t ruin it!

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