Posts
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In my last entry I regaled you with a story about God offering the Torah (5 books of Moses) to every nation on earth. They all refused it… except the Israelites.
I was confused when I first heard this.
I found it hard to believe.
(what? no haggling? why not 8 books of Moses?)
I grew up thinking God gave Moses the ten commandments on Mount Sinai,
Not the whole Torah!
I had a T.M.B.S. moment!
Remember: This Movie’s Bull Shit!
The moment when you inexplicably stop believing a movie’s storyline, a storyline that was implausible from the beginning anyway.
Recently the comedian Doug Benson pointed out:
In the film “Avatar,” the army general tells the new recruits, “You’re not in Kansas anymore.” Really? It’s 160 years in the future and people are STILL making “Wizard of Oz” references? They haven’t even advanced to “Wicked?”
Good point… But if that’s where you draw the line for believability, you won’t like the remaining two hours of giant blue cat people living on Pandora!
We all have those moments while reading the Bible, too.
“oh, come ON”
Really? Now you draw the line?
THAT’S what you’re taking umbrage with?
(My mom used to say that—honey it’s raining, remember to take an umbrage)
MAYBE the ten commandments, God says, here- take these two tablets call me in the morning
So Moses COULD take the two pieces of stone (10 commandments)… but the whole Torah? That’s a whole lotta tablets. He’d have to make like 600 trips up and down Mount Sinai… he’d get a hernia before he was done with Genesis!
I don’t know why this stuck in my mind.
Adam and Eve and the snake—Okay
Noah and the animals on the boat—no problem
The Ten Plagues and the Parting of the Red Sea—sure!
But Moses bringing a BOOK down from the mountain?
No way!
I call B.S.!
Anyway, there is STILL some wisdom to be taken.
Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.
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Sunday, February 7
“I Choo-Choo-Choose You…” -- Ralph Wiggum
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Back in the early 1990s, when my now-wife was in third grade, she acted in her class play, titled “The Torah.”
The play told the story of how the Israelites received the 5 books of Moses from God at Mount Sinai.
My wife played China.
I know what you’re thinking,
“Wow, I bet Aaron is more manly and virile than his name suggests” (you would be wrong)
Also,
“Aaron, China isn’t in the story of Mount Sinai!”
Well, naïve reader, that’s where you’re wrong.
This particular play was based on a midrash (a Rabbinic folk story—written to fill the gaps of the Bible) — God went shopping around, offering the Torah (the first five books of the Bible) to every nation in the world. Every nation turns it down… except the Israelites.
When God asked China (my wife) if it (she) wanted the Torah, my (then) 8 year old-Chinese wife recited the following rhyming couplet:
Wing Wong, Wing Wong
Ah-cha-chee/
Torah Zot
Lo beesh’veelee/
Translated into English:
Wing Wong, Wing Wong
Ah-cha-chee/
This Torah
Is Not For Me/
Marvelous.
The moral of the story—third graders are racist.
No. Actually, today my wife is extremely embarrassed and kinda ashamed about this.
… so she must love this blog entry!
The moral of the story--- The Israelites were God’s chosen people.
Does that mean Jews today are better than every other nation in the world?
Yes, it does.
What?!
Being the “chosen people”—what does that even mean?
First, let’s look at half of Deuteronomy 14:2 from three different typoes of Bibles. First, from the Jewish Publication Society:
“…The Lord your God chose you from among all other peoples on earth to be His treasured people.”
Wow, sounds pretty good for the Jews.
But wait—here’s what the Kings James Version says:
“… the LORD hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth.”
Woah! Kinda different.
And finally, from the New American Standard Bible:
“… the LORD has chosen you to be a people for His own possession out of all the peoples.”
The Israelites are described (respectively) as
“treasured,”
“peculiar”
and “His own possession.”
They all mean ALMOST the same thing… but not quite.
It comes from the Hebrew word “seg-ool-la,” connoting wealth—jewel-like, peculiar (as in a treasure), good, special.
After all, jewels are unique— that’s what makes them so valuable.
But “peculiar” or “special”...
“Timmy bites the heads off Barbie dolls… he’s special.”
I don’t think the KJV wants to admit that the ancestors of the Jews were a “treasured” people.
Okay, now Isaiah 42:6--
From the Jewish Publication Society Bible:
“…a covenant people, a light of nations, opening eyes deprived of light”
And
King James Version Bible:
“…and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles”
And
New American Standard Bible:
“…and I will appoint You as a covenant to the people, as a light to the nations,”
So what does it mean?
To be a “light to/of the nations”?
I think the Jews are like the first of your friends to read Harry Potter.
“Wow! You gotta read this book, it’s amazing!”
or
Or Mr. Schuester from the TV show “Glee,” the teacher who looks like Justin Timberlake. He believes he has a responsibility to help others achieve their full potential. And that’s the goal Jews should have.
“We therefore affirm not that we are better, but that we ought to be better.”
-- Morris Joseph
In other words, set an example!
“Be just, compassionate, lead by example, be a light unto the nations”
-- Emet Ve-Emunah: Statement of Principles of Conservative Judaism
Show others the way.
What way? The way to behave, to respect others, to “love thy neighbor as thyself.”
But I gotta admit, it feels kinda good to be (somewhat) affiliated with the Ancient Near Eastern theological equivalent of the first of your friends to discover an indie rock band, "Hey, check out this fresh sound!"
Now, some final words from the remarkably similar Book of Deuteronomy and Mark Twain:
"The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because you were more in number than any people; for you were the fewest of all people; but because the Lord loved you, and because he would keep the oath which he had sworn unto your ancestors."
(Deuteronomy 7:7-8)
"If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race… Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people… He has made a marvelous fight in the world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him… The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished. The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was… All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?"
--Mark Twain
Back in the early 1990s, when my now-wife was in third grade, she acted in her class play, titled “The Torah.”
The play told the story of how the Israelites received the 5 books of Moses from God at Mount Sinai.
My wife played China.
I know what you’re thinking,
“Wow, I bet Aaron is more manly and virile than his name suggests” (you would be wrong)
Also,
“Aaron, China isn’t in the story of Mount Sinai!”
Well, naïve reader, that’s where you’re wrong.
This particular play was based on a midrash (a Rabbinic folk story—written to fill the gaps of the Bible) — God went shopping around, offering the Torah (the first five books of the Bible) to every nation in the world. Every nation turns it down… except the Israelites.
When God asked China (my wife) if it (she) wanted the Torah, my (then) 8 year old-Chinese wife recited the following rhyming couplet:
Wing Wong, Wing Wong
Ah-cha-chee/
Torah Zot
Lo beesh’veelee/
Translated into English:
Wing Wong, Wing Wong
Ah-cha-chee/
This Torah
Is Not For Me/
Marvelous.
The moral of the story—third graders are racist.
No. Actually, today my wife is extremely embarrassed and kinda ashamed about this.
… so she must love this blog entry!
The moral of the story--- The Israelites were God’s chosen people.
Does that mean Jews today are better than every other nation in the world?
Yes, it does.
What?!
Being the “chosen people”—what does that even mean?
First, let’s look at half of Deuteronomy 14:2 from three different typoes of Bibles. First, from the Jewish Publication Society:
“…The Lord your God chose you from among all other peoples on earth to be His treasured people.”
Wow, sounds pretty good for the Jews.
But wait—here’s what the Kings James Version says:
“… the LORD hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth.”
Woah! Kinda different.
And finally, from the New American Standard Bible:
“… the LORD has chosen you to be a people for His own possession out of all the peoples.”
The Israelites are described (respectively) as
“treasured,”
“peculiar”
and “His own possession.”
They all mean ALMOST the same thing… but not quite.
It comes from the Hebrew word “seg-ool-la,” connoting wealth—jewel-like, peculiar (as in a treasure), good, special.
After all, jewels are unique— that’s what makes them so valuable.
But “peculiar” or “special”...
“Timmy bites the heads off Barbie dolls… he’s special.”
I don’t think the KJV wants to admit that the ancestors of the Jews were a “treasured” people.
Okay, now Isaiah 42:6--
From the Jewish Publication Society Bible:
“…a covenant people, a light of nations, opening eyes deprived of light”
And
King James Version Bible:
“…and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles”
And
New American Standard Bible:
“…and I will appoint You as a covenant to the people, as a light to the nations,”
So what does it mean?
To be a “light to/of the nations”?
I think the Jews are like the first of your friends to read Harry Potter.
“Wow! You gotta read this book, it’s amazing!”
or
Or Mr. Schuester from the TV show “Glee,” the teacher who looks like Justin Timberlake. He believes he has a responsibility to help others achieve their full potential. And that’s the goal Jews should have.
“We therefore affirm not that we are better, but that we ought to be better.”
-- Morris Joseph
In other words, set an example!
“Be just, compassionate, lead by example, be a light unto the nations”
-- Emet Ve-Emunah: Statement of Principles of Conservative Judaism
Show others the way.
What way? The way to behave, to respect others, to “love thy neighbor as thyself.”
But I gotta admit, it feels kinda good to be (somewhat) affiliated with the Ancient Near Eastern theological equivalent of the first of your friends to discover an indie rock band, "Hey, check out this fresh sound!"
Now, some final words from the remarkably similar Book of Deuteronomy and Mark Twain:
"The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because you were more in number than any people; for you were the fewest of all people; but because the Lord loved you, and because he would keep the oath which he had sworn unto your ancestors."
(Deuteronomy 7:7-8)
"If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race… Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people… He has made a marvelous fight in the world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him… The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished. The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was… All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?"
--Mark Twain
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