Pharaoh = Ancient Egyptian Douche

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Which Pharaoh was the jerk from the Exodus?

Many believe it was either Thutmose II or Thutmose III...

Notice anything interesting about those names (and also Raamses)?

In ancient Egyptian, the letters M-(O)-S-E-S meant "child" or "is born."
So Raamses means...


Anyone?... Bueller?

Right-- "Ra'amses" means "child of Ra" (the Egyptian sun god).

Son of a sun god! New means of cursing, try it out.


"Moses" is supposedly word play on the ancient Hebrew words "to draw out", since lil' baby Moses was DRAWN OUT of the Nile by Pharaoh's daughter, and he would later help DRAW the Israelites OUT of slavery.

Oh, Bible, you are so clever...

... a snake feeds a naked chick an apple, and now THIS!!!

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Watch out-- here come the Jews!

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Exodus begins with a new Pharaoh in Egypt (FYI, "pharaoh" is one of the oldest words in recorded history, meaning "big house"), and this Pharaoh didn't know about Jacob, Joseph and their Hebrew brethren who were so cool (and good with numbers and frugal)!

So Pharaoh says "Behold, the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we" (1:9), marking the last time in recorded history the Jews were ever described with those two adjectives.

And so Pharaoh, wanting to keep them weak and few in number, enslaved them ("set taskmasters over them" (v.11)

But the Israelites would have none of that...

"But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew" (v.12).

That's right! The Israelites were having spite sex!

"Honey, I'm not in the mood!"
"Come on, Shirley, you want us Israelites to die out?
"No way, I won't give Pharaoh the satisfaction."
"Good... now speaking of satisfaction..."


And so Moses' mom, Yocheved, or in the King James-- Jochebed or Sofabed or Futon) put him in a basket and sent him down the Nile. It's like Moses' mom was a pregnant teen on prom night!



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