Oops!

Remember the previous post, about everyone making mistakes, even God. Well...


"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them."
-- Genesis 1:27

Okay, screwed up syntax aside, this is one helluva verse!
What Yoda is saying, basically, is that we are all special, we all have that Divine spark inside of us, so treat everybody with respect and kindness.

In other words... EVERYBODY POOPS! Everybody, no matter race, religion, Ben & Jerry's flavor preference... no matter what, we are all connected. Everybody has God inside of them.

And Everybody Poops.


And so does God.

What do you think the Flood was all about?
God was flushing away all the shitty people.
And Noah was that little blue circle-thingie clinging (or cleaving, if you will) to the rim, trying to make the bowl of the world smell better.



By the way, Heath Bar Crunch!

Man and Woman

Second take:

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife: they shall be one flesh."
-- Genesis 2:24


Now, you right wing conservatives... before you start spoutin' off with "See, man and woman should be together, Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve... (it rhymes! it MUST be true)

Before you do that--
Adam and Eve, let's examine their relationship:
They talk to a snake, disobey God, break the ONE rule in the world, get kicked out of Paradise, and raise a couple of upstanding boys... till one kills the other.

Shyeah, ideal couple.

Pobody's Nerfect.

We all make mistakes-- hell, The Flood (Genesis, ch.s 6-8) is God taking a big eraser and starting fresh, grabbing the Earth like a basketball, shouting "Do over! Do over!"
That's why the Bible is so cool-- the people in it aren't perfect (relax, I haven't gotten to Jesus yet... maybe he was a lousy tipper).
The first people disobey God, their kids murder each other, Noah gets drunk, his son laughs at his naked ass (9:22), etc.

I KNOW You Want To Cleave Me

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife: they shall be one flesh."
-- Genesis 2:24


First of all, although a man might try to cleave unto his wife, she might not be in the cleavin' mood. So fellas, you just cleave yourself in the shower.

(ya' get it? Am I subtle enough?)


Second-- what the hell are a "father and mother?"
At this point, ain't no such thing! Come on, the male and female GENDERS were created just a few verses earlier. Adam and Eve had no mammy and pappy (imagine two naked old geezers, in rockin' chairs on the porch of... Eden, with fig leaves down around their knees).

Now, I have been married for nearly 6 months, but I met my wife 6 years ago.


"one flesh"... hmmm.

My dad says:
"LOVE means never having to say 'I'm sorry.' But MARRIAGE means constantly saying 'I'm sorry,' everyday, no matter, even when you don't think you did anything wrong."

And there are three magic words a married couple says to one another every day?

(sniff sniff) "Was that you???"

For the first year of dating, my wife didn't expel any sort of odor or sound in my presence.

After a couple years of dating, she'd sheepishly ask me, "Is it okay if I fart?"

Once we got engaged, she brazenly announced it.
"Faaaarrrrt!"
Just enough time to duck and cover, like Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling before an explosion, "Get down!" (read that out loud, in his voice, it's fun).

Now we're married, and I don't even get a warning.
It's just the sound of a dying elephant emanating from my beloved's ass!

And y'know what?
I love her for it.

Why?

Because I am a sick bastard.


And because we are "one flesh."