Milk, Honey, and a pain in my Ass

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"And I come down to deliver them out of the hands of the Egyptians,
and to bring them up out of that land into a good, large land,

a land flowing with milk and honey."

(Ex. 3:8)

The first time the land of Israel is described this way!

Which means Israel sucks, if you're a vegan.

But still, compared to slavery in Egypt, this "promised land" sounds pretty sweet!


Well...
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The morning after Thanksgiving.

In Israel.


No Black Friday here (Erev Shabbat Shakhor).

Around 8 AM this morning, coming out of a turkey-induced coma (or a tofukurkey-induced, as it were), a loud noise woke me up!

The wife soon followed.

We heard a man's voice speaking Hebrew outside our apartment.

On a megaphone.

The missus was worried. Not worried enough to look out the window or call the police, just worried enough to complain to me on her way to the toilet.

Ah, married life.

"What the hell is that?"

Bomb threat?
Air raid?
Terrorist... something?

None of the above.

I looked out the window and saw two orthodox Jews in a small car, with a megaphone strapped onto the roof. Slowly driving up and down the street.

Yammering about something. On a megaphone. In Hebrew.



A few mothers, pushing strollers, stopped the car, told the guys to (I assume) go away or "eff off" (or, in Hebrew, "fey off").

After her morning visit to "the office," my beloved asked me what the guys were saying.

"Oh, I understood them. What that guy was saying was, 'Hey everyone! The local supermarket is having a sale on megaphones! I just got one! Isn't cool?'"


That's the beauty of Israel.

It eliminates racism and bigotry.

I can't say, "Damn noisy Hispanic-Americans."

or

"Damn scary African-Americans."

or

"Damn intellectually-intimidating Asian-Americans."


I can't say any of that!


'Cause It's ALL Jews!

Everyone is Jewish!

And guess what...



Everyone still gets on my nerves!

The teenagers are rude and loud.

The drivers are still reckless, the pedestrians still oblivious.

The religious people still impose their views on others... but instead of Bible-beating Southerners, they're Tanach-tapping Orthodox.


There are more Jews in Israel than in ALL of the United States... but barely.

And in America the Jews are spread out. Mostly on opposite coasts of the country.

Here, the Jews are EVERYWHERE!


And y'know what? Religion and race don't matter!


People are annoying!

All people!

It's a beautiful thing.

Irritating as hell, sure... but also beautiful.


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