Tee Many Martoonis!

(Gen. 9:21)

"And he drank of the wine and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent."

Many commentators have derided Noah for his uncouth behavior here.

My opinion...

What's the big deal?


Noah spent over a month on a boat with his family and (let's just say) many, many animals. He did what God asked, built the ark, saved humanity and several species... what more does God want???

He is entitled to unwind a little, enjoy himself.

Same thing with maternity leave, the G.I. bill, or the oil rig turned astronaut guys on the rocket ship in "Armageddon" (1998), who tell the president they don't to pay taxes... ever again.

Why the hell not! They're entitled!


Besides I've said it before, I'll say it again---


Pobody's Nerfect.


They can't all be Moses, okay!

Not everyone is Odysseus, Harry Potter, or Gene Hackman from the original "Poseidon Adventure" (1972-- awesome flick).

Some heroes are flawed.

Actually, MOST heroes are flawed.


Think about it:
Beowulf, Spiderman, Captain Jack Sparrow... the list is endless!


So what if Noah got drunk!

Sure, it leads to Noah's son (Ham) gawking and laughing at him (9:22). But what's the big deal? Why does Noah have to curse Ham's kid, his grandson? (v.25-26)

Is this simply to emphasize "Honor your dad"?

But what really boils my custard-- or burns my bagel, or turns my yogurt... what annoys me is the asterisk in my bible pointing to Genesis 19:30-35 as a similar instance where wine leads to sin.

In 19:30-35, Lot's daughters think the world is coming to an end, they conspire to get their dad wasted, then they hump his drunken brains out and (eventually) give birth to his (grand)sons.

First of all, today this is known as a Kentucky Honeymoon.

Second of all... Ewwwww.


I think that is a MUCH worse, MUCH more sinful (or, biblically-speaking, "icky")
abuse of wine than Ham simply peaking at his naked drunk dad.

Getting drunk isn't always awful.
It's all relative (ha! an incest pun! The first of many).


Last week I joined my wife, who is in her 2nd year of Rabbinical school, at a local Israeli bar (or in Hebrew, "pub"), along with two dozen other rabbis-to-be. Let me tell you, few things are as amusing as young rabbinical students singing karaoke and arguing about Jewish law ("Talmud Bavli? How about Talmud Blow me!").
But that is how rabbis unwind. And everyone needs that.

One November evening during college, at a cast party I was frustrated, alone, and I became quite inebriated. At a friend's apartment on 115th st. in Manhattan, Saturday evening, around 2 AM, I began drinking vodka and rum like water and... darker-colored water.

The next thing I know I lying in my bed (alone, for the record), in my apartment on 121 st., and it is 8 PM SUNDAY NIGHT!
And there are vomit stains everywhere. I have ruined all the books for my classic American Lit. class-- the works of Ernest Hemingway, Mark Twain, Edith Wharton... all gross!!
What a loss!!
(well, not so much the Edith Wharton).

I learned that my roommate had to carry me home and help me go to the bathroom (according to him, he merely instructed me as I aimed, "Left... right... DOWN! DOWN!)

So... my point is... I am like Noah!

Except... my woodworking skills... Ikea... make your own joke.



Maximus the "Gladiator"

"Snakes! Why'd it have to be Snakes?" -- Rabbi Indiana ben Jones

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Oh, Bible, you come up with the most reasonable explanations for obvious things!

Adam and Eve, snake, apple, etc.

As punishment, God tells the snake (Gen. 3:15):

"I will put enmity between you and and the woman, between your seed and her seed, it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel."

A-ha! So THIS is the reason why people and snakes aren't best buddies!
If not for the unpleasant apple incident, we'd have domesticated the snake years ago, we'd be picking up their snake shit in ziploc bags, put little suctions on car windows- "Boa on Board"...
Westminster Snake Show, you get the idea...

The bible I'm reading explains that this is a metaphor-- man will triumph over Satan, linking this to Romans 16:20-- "And God shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly."
Really? The embodiment of pure evil and wickedness in the universe and the best we can do is-- "I'm gonna squash him with my foot!"
I shall destroy the Prince of Darkness 'neath my Nike cross-trainer!

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