Posts
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Ned Flanders: [reading] Harry Potter, and all his wizard friends, went
straight to Hell for practicing witchcraft.
Todd Flanders: Yay!
[Ned tosses the book into the fireplace]
-- "The Simpsons"
( season 12, ep. 18, written by Matt Selman)
Hey, Fans of Sc-Fi/Fantasy!
And to all you religious right wingers out there, who think Harry Potter is evil and promotes witchcraft and Satanism and ... gum disease... and... poor posture...
Check it:
The Bible mentions...
Dragons, Witches, Unicorns and Wizards-- Oh my! Three of which show up in Deuteronomy:
"Their wine is the poison of dragons" (Deut. 32:33)
"There shall not be found among you... an enchanter or a witch" (Deut. 18:10)
"And his horns are like the horns of unicorns" (Deut. 33:17)
"And Saul had put away... the wizards out of the land" (First Samuel 28:3)
And let's not forget King Saul visiting a soothsayer, who conjures up the ghost of Samuel the prophet (First Samuel 28:7-25).
(No details about whether or not the soothsayer was played by Whoopi Goldberg)
Granted, most of these mythical creatures are mentioned in negative contexts throughout the Scriptures... but they're still mentioned!
If you're gonna take the Bible literally... take EVERYTHING literally.
So Bala'am's donkey talked to him (Numbers 22:28)... Maybe the donkey had the voice of Eddie Murphy.
Plus,
Moses had a magic wand way before Harry Potter:
"Take thy rod and cast it before Pharaoh and it shall become a serpent" (Exodus 7:9)
"And the Lord said unto Moses... Lift up thy rod and stretch out thine hand over the sea and divide it...'" (Exodus 14:15-16)
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Tuesday, December 22
"A Jew? Here??..." -- Blinkin, "Robin Hood: Men In Tights"
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Today at The Conservative Yeshiva in Jerusalem, my Bible class watched a DVD of the musical "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat."
Oh yeah.
It was a good day.
" Potiphar was cool and SO fine/
But his wife could never tow the line/
It’s all there in chapter thirty-nine/
Of Genesis "
-- from “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”, lyrics by Tim Rice
You’re darn right it is--
Genesis 39 (summary):
“And Joseph was brought down to Egypt, and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh... bought him…” (verse 1)
“And Joseph served him… he had made him overseer in his house” (vv. 4-5)
“His master’s wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me” (v.7)
“But he refused…” (v.8)
Then what does Potiphar’s wife tell her hubby and all the other servants?
“… he came unto me to lie with me and I cried with a loud voice” (v. 14)
What a lying, scornful cougar!
But wait—one more thing:
“And she spake unto him according to these words, saying, ‘The Hebrew servant which thou hast brought unto us came in unto me to mock me.’”
-- Gen. 39:17
Woah woah woah.
Ex-squeeze me. Baking powder?
“Hebrew” servant?
Why does she have to throw that “Hebrew” part in there?
Well, let’s ask a guy a helluva lot smarter than yours truly:
"If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am citizen of the world. If my theory is proven to be untrue, then France will say that I am a German, and Germany will say that I am a Jew."
-- Albert Einstein
As Jews, we represent... the lollipop guild!
(Ahem)
No.
If you're reading this, I'm assuming you're Jewish.
If you're not... guess what? I just made you an honorary M.O.T. (Member Of the Tribe)! Mazel Tov!
There aren't a lot of Jews in the world (about 1/5 of 1 percent of the world's population).
As Jews, each one of us represents all of us… whether or not we choose to, our behavior reflects on Jewish people everywhere.
Jews are linked the world over. When one of us succeeds, we all succeed. And when one of us screws up…
Hey, Jewish folk reading this— Do you remember when you first heard about—
David Berkowtiz.
*Wince*
Meyer Lansky
*Damn*
Or
Bernie Madoff
*Come on!*
It hurts us all, gives Jews a bad name.
But, hey, let’s not forget—
Elie Wiesel
*Huzzah!*
Steven Spielberg
*Right on!*
Or 25% of the world’s Nobel Prize winners for both Physics and Medicine/Physiology
*Pocket Protectors Unite!*
Not to mention ol’ Albert.
A Jew making good in the world is like your home team winning the big game (“That’s right! Atta boy! That’s one for us!”)
And when Roman Polanski or Woody Allen pop up in the tabloids… we cringe together.
But Jonas Salk cured polio!... and celebrated Passover!
“We’re all in this together!”
-- those annoying kids from Disney’s “High School Musical”
(two of whom are Jewish!)
(...so I guess they're okay)
.
Today at The Conservative Yeshiva in Jerusalem, my Bible class watched a DVD of the musical "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat."
Oh yeah.
It was a good day.
" Potiphar was cool and SO fine/
But his wife could never tow the line/
It’s all there in chapter thirty-nine/
Of Genesis "
-- from “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”, lyrics by Tim Rice
You’re darn right it is--
Genesis 39 (summary):
“And Joseph was brought down to Egypt, and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh... bought him…” (verse 1)
“And Joseph served him… he had made him overseer in his house” (vv. 4-5)
“His master’s wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me” (v.7)
“But he refused…” (v.8)
Then what does Potiphar’s wife tell her hubby and all the other servants?
“… he came unto me to lie with me and I cried with a loud voice” (v. 14)
What a lying, scornful cougar!
But wait—one more thing:
“And she spake unto him according to these words, saying, ‘The Hebrew servant which thou hast brought unto us came in unto me to mock me.’”
-- Gen. 39:17
Woah woah woah.
Ex-squeeze me. Baking powder?
“Hebrew” servant?
Why does she have to throw that “Hebrew” part in there?
Well, let’s ask a guy a helluva lot smarter than yours truly:
"If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am citizen of the world. If my theory is proven to be untrue, then France will say that I am a German, and Germany will say that I am a Jew."
-- Albert Einstein
As Jews, we represent... the lollipop guild!
(Ahem)
No.
If you're reading this, I'm assuming you're Jewish.
If you're not... guess what? I just made you an honorary M.O.T. (Member Of the Tribe)! Mazel Tov!
There aren't a lot of Jews in the world (about 1/5 of 1 percent of the world's population).
As Jews, each one of us represents all of us… whether or not we choose to, our behavior reflects on Jewish people everywhere.
Jews are linked the world over. When one of us succeeds, we all succeed. And when one of us screws up…
Hey, Jewish folk reading this— Do you remember when you first heard about—
David Berkowtiz.
*Wince*
Meyer Lansky
*Damn*
Or
Bernie Madoff
*Come on!*
It hurts us all, gives Jews a bad name.
But, hey, let’s not forget—
Elie Wiesel
*Huzzah!*
Steven Spielberg
*Right on!*
Or 25% of the world’s Nobel Prize winners for both Physics and Medicine/Physiology
*Pocket Protectors Unite!*
Not to mention ol’ Albert.
A Jew making good in the world is like your home team winning the big game (“That’s right! Atta boy! That’s one for us!”)
And when Roman Polanski or Woody Allen pop up in the tabloids… we cringe together.
But Jonas Salk cured polio!... and celebrated Passover!
“We’re all in this together!”
-- those annoying kids from Disney’s “High School Musical”
(two of whom are Jewish!)
(...so I guess they're okay)
.
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