Yes, I'm Gonna Marry A Carrot (Gen. 1:29)

Hey, you ever watch the Food Network? Sure you do! Because you're pathetic like me!
In pretty much every single episode of “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” on the Food Network the enthusiastically disgusting host, Guy Fieri (who isn't nearly as fat as he should be), consumes massive amounts of bacon-burgers, pulled pork, clams, ribs, etc. If it had a pulse, this guy ate it.
First of all, pulled pork sounds like an unkosher porn.
Secondly
What's the big deal? Why shouldn't we eat what/whomever we want?


First, two verses from Genesis--
1:28-29

"God blessed them (Adam and Eve). God said to them, 'Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'

"God said, 'Behold, I have given you every herb yielding seed, which is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree, which bears fruit yielding seed. It will be your food.'"

I am a vegetarian, for twelve years now. And people often ask me, "Why? Is it for health reasons or moral reasons?"

In other words, "Are you self-conscious or self-righteous?"

Well, when I was a kid, we had a pet beagle. My older brother was closest to her and after she died, the next time we went to a restaurant, he looked down at his dinner and started to cry, thinking of our dog.
We learned our lesson-- we stopped going to that Vietnamese restaurant.

What I want to know is—-- who was the first person to look at chicken's beady eyes, dirty feathers and pointy beak and think, "Mm-mm! Put that in a bucket and I'll eat it with my hands!"

Then there are the religious folks, who say, "God put animals on this planet to be food for US!" If that's true then someone forgot to mention that to the animals! They sure seem reluctant when we try to help them fulfill God's mission.

We have dominion over all creatures of the earth... A king has dominion over his kingdom, but he doesn't eat his subjects... peasant paprikash. A Modest Proposal by Yonatan Swift

People can't comprehend it. Meat is so readily available, how can you NOT eat it?
Well, the same way I can walk by an attractive person on the street and not grope them—I exhibit self control for the benefit of another living thing (and also to avoid restraining orders).

But some ambivalence remains--

Rabbi Joshua ben Nehemiah said, “God created people with 4 attributes of the higher beings (a.k.a., angels) and 4 attributes of the lower beings (a.k.a., beasts).

An Angel-- Stand upright, speaks, understands, and sees.

A Beast- Eats, procreates, excretes, and dies.

See, I think a beast has more fun. That sounds like a Saturday night well-spent.


As any yid will tell you, Jewish Holidays are defined by what we eat— Shabbat (meat, fish, challah), What we DON’T eat – Yom Kippur (anything), Or both – Passover (we eat matzah , we don't eat bread)


God/rabbis (depending on who you think decreed various laws) are smart,
they knew food is key to religious consciousness.
In the Ancient Near East, there were Pilgrimage Festivals, Harvest Festivals, peoples lives revolved around food because their lives depended on it, in a desperate way that we don’t today.
Food was everything! Just getting breakfast was Life and Death! Today breakfast is Life and Trix and Cheerios.

(zing!)

Of course, some say "Eat to live, don’t live to eat." That's a bunch of hooey, bunch of bologna… Mmmmm... what were we talking about?

But now I am in Israel, the Land of Milk and Honey! Which sucks if you're a vegan.

But that is what Kashrut is all about:
Self-control, and thinking about WHERE our food comes from.


But People don’t WANT to think about it.


Check out this excerpt from the greatest show on earth.
Season 7, episode 5, "Lisa the Vegetarian":

After going to a petting zoo, the family sits down to dinner.

Lisa: I can't eat this. I can't eat a poor little lamb. [Pushes her
plate away.]
Homer: Lisa, get a hold of yourself. This is lamb, not A lamb.
Lisa: What's the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed
me?
Bart: This one spent two hours in the broiler.


One more--

Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you
saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about
bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal!!