I KNOW You Want To Cleave Me

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife: they shall be one flesh."
-- Genesis 2:24


First of all, although a man might try to cleave unto his wife, she might not be in the cleavin' mood. So fellas, you just cleave yourself in the shower.

(ya' get it? Am I subtle enough?)


Second-- what the hell are a "father and mother?"
At this point, ain't no such thing! Come on, the male and female GENDERS were created just a few verses earlier. Adam and Eve had no mammy and pappy (imagine two naked old geezers, in rockin' chairs on the porch of... Eden, with fig leaves down around their knees).

Now, I have been married for nearly 6 months, but I met my wife 6 years ago.


"one flesh"... hmmm.

My dad says:
"LOVE means never having to say 'I'm sorry.' But MARRIAGE means constantly saying 'I'm sorry,' everyday, no matter, even when you don't think you did anything wrong."

And there are three magic words a married couple says to one another every day?

(sniff sniff) "Was that you???"

For the first year of dating, my wife didn't expel any sort of odor or sound in my presence.

After a couple years of dating, she'd sheepishly ask me, "Is it okay if I fart?"

Once we got engaged, she brazenly announced it.
"Faaaarrrrt!"
Just enough time to duck and cover, like Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling before an explosion, "Get down!" (read that out loud, in his voice, it's fun).

Now we're married, and I don't even get a warning.
It's just the sound of a dying elephant emanating from my beloved's ass!

And y'know what?
I love her for it.

Why?

Because I am a sick bastard.


And because we are "one flesh."