Say What???

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“Day unto day uttereth speech…
There is no speech nor language…
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD..."

-- Psalm 19:14

I was buying some food in the shuk last week.
“What is the shuk?” I hear you ask hypothetically!
It is an open-air market in the heart of Jerusalem.
Istanbul has one.
Cairo has one.
Many cities in the Middle East have one.
And, from my experience, they all suck!

Haggling, not a pleasant experience.
It’s like buying a car, but one egg at a time. One orange at a time. One piece of pita at a time.

It’s like trench warfare, fighting and scraping for every meter of land/shekel of food.

So, last week, in the shuk, I had gone running, even though it was quite chilly (“Grrr! Yeah! I’m like a less masculine G.I. Jane!”).

I bought some cheese and started chatting with the cheese salesman, in my mediocre Hebrew.

Here is a translation of our conversation:

“You’re wearing shorts?” he asked.

“Yes” I responded, “I run here. I go run.”

“But it’s cold!”

“Yes” I said.

“Well, good for you.”

(then I try to be funny… and something was lost in translation)

“Yes," I continue, "but I wear shorts, no matter to me, because I am groom."

[silence from the cheese salesman, so I continue]

“… I be married, so no matter to me. I do not use my body parts down there…because I married.”

“What?” asks the cheese man.

“Because I have wife, so I have nothing to do, I have no… eggs. I can’t use my eggs for I married now. My wife took them.”

“You want to buy a dozen eggs?”

“No no… An expression... I don’t have… I can’t… my wife… [sigh] It’s a joke.”

“Oh” he said… then he walked away.

And I took my cheese and ran home.
In my shorts.
With no eggs.
To my loving, patient wife.

who speaks English, thank God.

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